Another Dream

Dream or nightmare....

Well Im awake now.  Another dream, the same dream each time.  A grim reminder of a sad time...
It's always the same.  In the dream, I awake from sleep while sitting at my mother's bedside. My eyes focus in on the clock on the wall.  It's 3:15am in the morning.  It's Friday, May 21, 2004.  Next my eyes find my mother lying on her bed on her back.  Her eyes are closed and she looks peaceful.  Except I notice her breathing, its short and shallow.  Her nasal oxygen has been moved, no longer in her nose.  Im not sure how long it actually took for my brain to register that something wasn't right, but I know the next minute I am yelling down the hall to what, in retrospect, was probably an intern.  He looked frightened when I said "Please come quick!"  He grabbed an older woman. She looked kind (yes it's funny the things you remember about tragic or sudden events after the fact).  She rushed to my mother's side. I watched almost in denial in my mind that this was actually happening.  She then turned to me, "Im so sorry", she said.  I hugged her!  I didn't know what to do! I actually hugged a stranger!  She WAS kind.  She hugged me back.  I think she asked if there was anything she could do or call.  I remember thinking  (not sure if it came our of my mouth...) I need to make the calls.  I must've said it...b/c the next thing I remember was being shown to a phone at the nurses station. I have no idea who I called first, but the next thing I remember is returning my mother's room.  Where else was I going to go?  What was I supposed to do now? I remember asking myself if it was really happening. When I got to her room, they were bathing her.  The nice nurse said that they had to call the hospital and have her officially pronounced.  I knew what she meant. I believe I asked if i needed to stay.  I wanted to although Im not sure why.  I guess if I left it meant that it was real and my mother was gone.  But she was gone and I do leave finally.  Then I awake in tears.

My dream "allows" me to relive those events as if it happened yesterday.  I don't really want to relive those moments.

Well it's been forever since I wrote on this blog.  It seems that everyone is now on FB and not following blogs or at least ours.  :)  We don't lead an exciting life, but definitely a happy one.  Molly just turned 5 this month! Oh my....where has the time gone.  In the last three years we have added a new addition (altough it's not official).  Her name is Abigail.  We got her when she was only 3 days old!?  Can you believe how blessed we have been. It has been a struggle of a different sort.  Her birth mother has contested the terminaton of her rights, so it is delaying the adoption process.  But soon enough we will officially be the Fleming Four!  This journey with the adoption of our girls has literally been like God's perfect plan revealing itself all His perfect time.  We also attend church now.  We attend New Salem Baptist church here in Soddy Daisy.  Mark and I love it there and love the children's program they have for our girls.

I think now that blogs (at least ours) isn't followed as much now, im going to start writing some of my personal thoughts and feelings as sort of a journal.  If people read them, thats ok too.  :)